Tramps outsmart and eat monkeys

The Club would like to inform all members that the fate of our flying monkeys has been discovered. Unfortunately, it would appear that simultaneously releasing flying monkeys and an army of tramps was inadvisable, as the tramps have eaten the monkeys. We're very pleased that the intensive ingenuity training all our tramps underwent during boot camp appears to have paid off, as luring and trapping flying monkeys is fraught with obstacles and involved significant 'thinking outside the box' on the part of our tramps. They managed to concoct a primitive, but effective, yellow dye from shoplifted Advocaat, Cream Soda and two-day-old sick. They used this dye to disguise themselves as giant bananas, visible from altitude, which naturally attracted the flying monkeys. Once grounded, it is, of course, reasonably straightforward for a motivated, goal-focused tramp to overpower a monkey.

This has all been a useful learning experience, and had the unexpected bonus of producing a potential new revenue-stream for the Club. When we strained the banana dye from the tramps' beards and clothing (it is a statutory requirement that all tramp soldiers are strained and deloused before being returned to the hangar), the resulting substance was found to bear a significant resemblance in taste, alcoholic content, and production process, to WKD Orange. We are now in discussions with Schweppes concerning the marketing. Every cloud, even one filled with flying monkeys, appears to have a silver lining.