Club New Year Resolutions 2010

1. To neutralise Richard Hills and thwart his evil plans, obviously.

2. To make the modern Triathlon of running, drinking and eating ice cream an Olympic sport in time for London 2012
3. To have our Perambulation Club jingle played on Radio 2 during drivetime and have either Ant or Dec perform our club dance live on ITV 1.
4. To do all we can to bring Shami Chakrabarti and Howard Donald from Take That together. They're made for each other, those two.
5. To give serious consideration to whether nature really intended monkeys to fly. In our power-mad quest for revenge, have we lost sight of humanity? What have we become, people?

6. To build a Six Million Dollar Tramp. We have the technology and we have the capability to build the world's first Bionic Tramp. We can make him better than he was before. Better, stronger, faster, hairier, shoutier, stampier, drunkier.
7. To go through the looking-glass and dare to run around the lake anti-clockwise rather than clockwise to see if it really would result in the dead rising from their graves, as recently posited by our Club Treasurer.

8. To concentrate on expanding the Sumo Wrestling element of the club. Having invested in all those leather nappies and manbags to carry them, we need to utilise this valuable club asset. The only alternative uses we can think of for leather nappies are of dubious morality, illegal under European law and, quite frankly, deeply unhygienic.
9. Not to allow any more small dogs to steal our hats
10. To form a Rapid Reaction Quiz Team capable of deployment at high speed to any Pub Quiz and highly trained at shouting out incorrect answers while drinking bad wine.